How to Achieve Inner Peace Amongst the Chaos

How to Achieve Inner Peace Amongst the Chaos

For those seeking answers to this question in today’s day and age, here is a small list of actionable steps and tips. Please note that all of them are subject to further exploration and discussion in order to bring better results, but choosing a few things from this list will get you started on your quest to inner peace in no time.

Steps toward finding your inner peace amongst the chaos:

  1. Surround yourself with uplifting things- inspiring books, videos, messages, decor, etc.
  2. Learn how to tune in to your intuition in order to receive tailor made guidance for you (See my Amazon Kindle quick read series Ebook- “How to Tune In to Your Intuition”).
  3. Get plenty of rest.
  4. Do your personal growth work. (There are so many ways to do this- check out many other resources on my: blog, website, youtube channel, facebook, and instagram pages, and contact me for specialized assistance).
  5. Tune in to your higher power (whatever you know that to be)- have a conversation with it about what you need to know/do/be/feel on a daily basis.
  6. Check in often with yourself and your higher power when things are challenging for you.
  7. Remember that every butterfly was once a caterpillar and had to emerge from a dark and scary place where it seemed as though everything was falling apart.
  8. Have faith.
  9. Be and embody the feeling of LOVE.
  10. Ask your higher power to assist you in what you desire- or better yet, that which is highest and best for you that will concurrently bring you joy, career and life satisfaction, and pleasure.
  11. Ask yourself and your higher power what the best way is for you to give your unique gifts to the world and then take steps to follow that intuition.
  12. Understand that the world as a whole is going through a transformation while each person is also undergoing a personal transformation. We will get to the next stage as a collective whole.
  13. Do your part to increase the love deposited into the world everyday.
  14. Be your best self.
  15. Rest when you need to- retreat when necessary.
  16. Learn to “be” as much as you “do.”
  17. Go forward mindfully and with intention- don’t push forward in muddled energy or you may receive muddled results.
  18. Know that you are awesome and that healing and taking care of you helps the entire planet!

Do you want to work on any aspect of this list for yourself, or bring an engaging and actionable speech to your conference, company, or organization?

Contact me at amanda@itsasyoulikeit.com or go to: http://www.itsasyoulikeit.com for more information.

Conditioned Response

Conditioned Response

I started dusting a little while ago because I suddenly felt guided to.

As I began moving the decorations on the entertainment center in the living room to dust, one of my cats came bolting out of her favorite adjacent room and ran upstairs.

Why?

Conditioned Response.

She’s not afraid of my dusting. What she is afraid of is the vacuum. Historically, when I dust, the vacuum is soon to follow.

Now I’ve been low on energy for quite a while, and was only planning on dusting as that’s all I had the energy for today. I wasn’t going to vacuum. But, this creature whom I can’t communicate with in words to tell her that, has learned about the environments she lives in and how to predict them by observing them. Humans have words, but we don’t always think to use them to convey to people that we aren’t going to cause them the same harm that someone or something in their past did. And even if we did use them, it may not do any good as people often get triggered.

Familiar things start happening, a person’s conditioned response sets in, and fight or flight takes over.

At this point, even if we use our human words or emotions of love to reassure the person that we can be trusted and that the hurtful events of their past aren’t about to play out again- the triggered person is no longer open to this info. They are in protective mode.

The only thing they want to do at this point is run upstairs to avoid the vacuum, and in the heightened state they are in, they may also give us a piece of their mind on their way up there.

As humans, we have the power to dispel triggers and projections by doing the inner work necessary to help us separate one situation from another. We can discover through careful examination that though the details of the situation may seem strikingly similar to those in the situations where we were hurt previously, we need to take a deeper look into the intentions or emotional state of the person or thing that originally caused us harm. This is where we will find our answers.

We need to ask ourselves˗ are the motivations, true intentions, and overall emotional state of the current person the same as the person who harmed us in the past? It may take some digging and raw honesty, especially if we are still in the triggered state, to find the real answer. If we have done the work and know for certain that the answer is yes after fully processing and separating the initial incidents from this one˗ we may need to do something different or have every reason to want to protect ourselves.

But what happens if when we look as deep as we can go, we realize that the intentions of the current person and situation are not to harm us, and that in fact they won’t harm us (based on our previous history of interactions with that person), but rather that we are blocking intimacy with them because of the giant fearball we have placed between ourselves and any trust we have of them.

We got our cat as a stray. She was friendly but skittish, and we were certain that she had been someone’s indoor pet but had been traumatized in some way before she was probably thrown out or just let go. Because of this, she was distrustful of humans, through at the same time she craved our affection and love. Maybe a vacuum had hurt her in the past, and maybe the person operating it had intended to harm her (most likely as a result of their own inner demons that they couldn’t calm).

If she wants to fully let down her guard and enjoy her life with us, she will need to learn that we do not intend to harm her, and that we will not use an object (especially the one she has been conditioned to be afraid of) to harm her.

She must learn to separate the motives and intentions of the person in the past from the actions, motives, and intentions she has come to expect from us for the last few years in her present.
My question in all of this is here:

Is there somewhere in your life where you are so traumatized by the feelings and objects that were directed your way in a negative energy in the past, that you are not able to trust those who are not trying to hurt you in the present˗ though the details of the situation or object may seem the same?

Maybe it’s time to take a deeper look.

Struggling? It’s a normal part of the process-don’t judge yourself.

Struggling?  It’s a normal part of the process-don’t judge yourself.

Struggle is a completely normal part of life.

Though it is uncomfortable, and there are indeed stresses associated with it, I encourage you to hold yourself gently during this time and resist the urge to judge yourself.  You are trying to break through to the next level, and the path isn’t always linear, but you are showing up and doing what you can, whether or not you fall down.

When the internal chatter starts to show up, and you feel ashamed for whatever you are going through, try to remember that you need your own love most of all, and that there is NO SHAME in being where you are.

Remind and congratulate yourself for all the things that you have done well, and do what you can to find the answers you need.  Meditate (though it’s best to do this daily), journal (extra if you need to), reach out for help, and have a conversation with whatever you believe in that is bigger than you.

Just don’t judge yourself harshly for where you are.

Writing this for myself as much as I am for you.

 

Shame- Which Kinds are Productive and Which Kinds are Unproductive-And How to Tell the Difference

Shame- Which Kinds are Productive and Which Kinds are Unproductive-And How to Tell the Difference

 

This blog post speaks to both women and men, but I do wish to point out the fact that this topic is especially relevant to women as a whole, given our generational upbringing.  Therefore, if both genders would please excuse that hypothesis in the first paragraph only, there is some deep wisdom on the topic here that can be gained by all of us.

Women as a whole carry a disproportionate amount of shame.  So much of it isn’t even ours to carry, but because we are conditioned to just do what needs to be done, and meet other’s needs, we take it on in order to ease another’s burden.  As time goes on, we learn to take it on in all sorts of unproductive ways, opening the door and letting it in over and over again.  We become accustomed to just leaving the door wide open to welcome shame, without ever stopping to ask ourselves if it is even  ours, if we need to let it in, or if it is a desired constant houseguest.

How many of us carry shame from our families of origin, both others’ true shame, and also for things no one actually needed to feel shame for?  It might be shame that was actually another member of the family’s to carry.  But no matter, we picked it up and threw it on our backs out of purpose, or maybe even blame, because another family member couldn’t take responsibility for their own actions.  On the other side of the coin, perhaps the shame stemmed from failure to succeed in one way or another; unproductive shame that was not anyone’s to rightfully carry, but continued to be passed on throughout the generations.

Shame is useful when it makes us think twice before doing unkind or unethical things.  It is also useful when it causes someone who made a mistake to take responsibility, make amends, and change their behavior.  Because our society is not set up to handle atonement and reconciliation in ways that aren’t doused in excessive shame, however, productive shame is many times too large for a person to be able to take on.  But when someone refuses to take responsibility for their behavior because either the shame or threat of shame is too great, often times we pick some of it up to ease their burden and lighten their load.

Although this may seem noble, where then does this shame go?  This unproductive shame is stored in our individual unconscious, and sometimes then the collective unconscious, and keeps us from being our full, shiny, capable selves.  It also takes away an opportunity for the person whose shame it is to take responsibility for their actions and heal themselves and anyone they may have hurt. Perhaps a better idea would be to create a healthier system where atonement and reconciliation are handled in ways that aren’t doused in excessive shame (but more on that in a later discussion).

Shame that isn’t ours to carry holds us back from bringing our true gifts into the world, as we are afraid of what we will look like if we fail.  In addition to shame that isn’t ours to carry, shame from failure to achieve a goal is also a form of unproductive shame.  It doesn’t serve a useful purpose, and we don’t have to say yes to it.  Just like shame for being different than others, having a physical or mental challenge, or any other form of not seeming to be ‘right’ by certain societal standards, shame from failure is not real shame, and only robs ourselves and society of the unique gifts we are here to offer.

Failure is not a productive reason to feel shame.  Failure means we stepped outside our comfort zone and tried to bring into form something we were lead by our soul to follow.  Failure means we’re on the right track. Failure means we tried.  And many times failure is caused by things that were completely outside of our control.  The only true failure in this example is to not rise up again and continue to follow the path we know is true, even when it deals us challenges.  These ‘failures,’ just like any other ways we may not seem to be acceptable by society, are not reasons to feel shame, they are merely opportunities to strengthen our relationship with ourselves by choosing whether or not we’re going to allow them to add more shame to the disproportionate amount we are already carrying, and whether or not we are going to let them define our worth.

Our worth can only be taken from us if we choose to deem ourselves unworthy.  It is always our choice.

If someone overpowered you in the past because of their lack of self-worth, do not let that diminish yours.  They were trying to steal from you what could never truly work for them.  It’s like someone other than the chosen person trying to steal and use the sword in the stone in order to fill themselves with worth and power.  It will never work.  Power and worth that are not cultivated on the inside and from the deep knowing that we are not separate from all that is, will never last.  It will never satiate the hunger someone’s soul feels from not being secure in their own worth, for not saying ‘yes’ to themselves.

So it seems to me that we have three choices when it comes to being faced with the tendency to take on shame for unproductive reasons:  we can diminish ourselves, shrink down and hide, and deem ourselves less worthy; we can try to get it off of us by acting out against someone or something else and attempting to transfer it to them; or we can just say, “No thank you.” when presented with the choice to take it in or not.

Unproductive shame hurts all of us, and we don’t have to continue to say yes to it.

#youareworthy  #stopthemadness  #riseup  #truepower  #beyoutiful

 

 

How Loving Yourself Helps You to Attract Healthy Relationships With Others

How Loving Yourself Helps You to Attract Healthy Relationships With Others

The healthiest relationships are those where both people are doing their personal growth work, and the amount of give and take feels relatively balanced.  If you over-help everyone else at the expense of yourself, hoping for love and validation of your worth by what you can “do” for them, you’ve set up a toxic pattern.  If you expect others to jump in and save you every time you face a challenge, you lose an opportunity to learn and grow.

We must all do the majority of our personal growth work.  That work involves getting to know yourself and understanding your worth.  You have worth by the mere fact that you exist.  You do not have to prove that worth to anyone.  If you feel as if you do, it is time to look at why you feel that way, and apply some love to that part of you after you’ve uncovered the misconception.  You deserve to be treated with honor and respect, but you must be willing to honor and respect yourself before you’ll be able to recognize when you are being mistreated.  When you begin to stand on your own two feet and love yourself, you will no longer agree to situations where others are dishonoring to you.  You will develop the courage to say no to those people and situations that do not honor your being.

It is a process, as you have most likely picked up false concepts that have been on repeat in your subconscious for years.  Be gentle with yourself, and celebrate every new victory where you’ve learned to stand in your power and love yourself.

It is possible that you may find yourself a bit lonely for awhile.  Try to embrace, rather than to fear this period of time.  This is your time to spend wonderful, quality time getting to know and love yourself.  It is in this amazing time that you will build the foundations needed to bring new, healthy relationships into your life.

If you learned to be alone and really fallen in love with yourself, you will begin to give yourself all the things you gave away to others while expecting someone else to fill the cup you emptied.  Our cups should runneth over, and we cannot give what we don’t have.  So give, love, get to know, and fall in love with yourself first.

Remember to congratulate yourself for taking the first step toward a better life- a life in which the genuine love and respect you give others comes from a cup overflowing, and the love you receive is in line with what you’ve learned to give yourself.

You got this.

How to Manifest What You Truly Desire: Part I

How to Manifest What You Truly Desire: Part I

Why does manifesting our deepest desires seem to elude us so often?

I believe one of the major reasons for this can be traced to our attempt to achieve our deepest desires as adults in the same manner that we were trained to achieve success in school as children.

In school, if we did the assigned work and studied for the tests, we would most likely get our diploma or degree.  If we really applied ourselves, we may even get great grades.  In contrast, manifesting an incredible romantic partner or an amazing, abundant, and fulfilling career is a quite a different process.  It’s not linear.  There aren’t prescribed steps to take that will pretty much guarantee us the achievement we set out to obtain.

Our deepest desires and dreams are complex, and are something we are consciously choosing.  Rather than completing a task society has set up for all of us to achieve pretty equally, we are creating our own path.  Trying to continue to achieve our life dreams in the same way we excelled in school may not be the route that brings us our highest desires.

Manifesting our deepest desires involves a lot of inner work.  Though we must do outer work as well, manifesting our deepest desires requires a little less ‘outer’ work than the diploma or degree and great grades did.  Though we spent many years learning and perfecting the art of doing the outer work, for the most part, we haven’t been taught how to do the inner work.

In order to manifest our deepest desires and enjoy the feelings we really desire that are underneath the goal we are moving towards, we have to know what we want in the first place. This requires knowing who we are, and that requires a large dose of ‘inner work.’

So what is inner work, exactly?  It’s meditation, contemplation, journaling, mindfulness, self-awareness, and personal responsibility for our choices and feelings– gooey, intangible stuff that we’ve barely scratched the surface of in the linear ‘outside’ work wold of academia.  In order to be happy, whole adults, we must achieve the balance of inner and outer work, and from there we can create our dreams.

But the inner work must come first.

…To be continued in the next blog

We Can Build New Structures- Without Waiting Around For the Old Ones to Crumble Completely

We Can Build New Structures- Without Waiting Around For the Old Ones to Crumble Completely

A Message to All Regarding the Inhumanity We are Witnessing:

We must build the new in order to render the current systems obsolete.

We were never meant to be ‘ruled’ by de-humanized structures and systems, that is why they are not working and why they are breaking down.  The real need is freedom.  Sovereign freedom.  The freedom we get from being who we really are, and having the resources to do the things we really want to do, and take care of ourselves.  When we are stifled or not allowed to be our true selves, we suffer.  In some, that suffering can lead to actions they would not have taken had they had the proper love, care, and encouragement to grow into who they truly are.  This cannot be found in structures and systems, only in hearts.

Our current systems do not teach us how to heal our hurting hearts; they do not teach us how to deal with life; they do not always encourage us to be ourselves; and the systems definitely do not school us in things like understanding our conscious and  subconscious, listening to our emotions and learning from their messages, and relationships.

May we all feel the sovereign freedom in doing what we are put on this planet to do.  In whatever ways we can (even if that is only taking responsibility for working on ourselves), may we help create the new systems– Systems with heart, systems designed to encourage and honor others where they are at, wherever they are at.

Because we should all be allowed to be who we really are, so long as we do not hurt ourselves or others.

We don’t have to wait until everything crumbles in order to start to rebuild.

 

 

A Quick Look at “Will”

A Quick Look at “Will”

Free Write- Topic: The Will

Will

You can bend it, break it, and strengthen it.

It can move you forward, or keep you stuck in place.

Many use it forcefully, and try to overpower that of others.

Strengthen your will by learning that we are all part of the same universe.

Some may think they can take or use more power than they should, but this is not real power.

Surrender your will to the understanding that you are a part of the whole universe, and your individual power will strengthen in a sustainable manner.

You are powerful.

Insert yourself into the greater flow and use your will to enhance the life experience of all you are connected to, and you will thrive as well.

What Does it Really Mean to “Show Up and Do the Work,” When You’re Trying to Achieve Your Dreams?

What Does it Really Mean to “Show Up and Do the Work,” When You’re Trying to Achieve Your Dreams?

Today I’m going to write a continuation of my last blog, and start with the question that may have been left slightly unanswered: “What does it really mean to show up and do your work?”

For those of you struggling to make career, relationship, and health goals a reality, you may feel like you’ve already done so much work. You’ve taken the classes, made the plans and goals, written the press releases, gone on the dates, been a good friend, been to college, and basically “done your time.”  So why can’t you manifest that which you desire?

Well, to start with, as I mentioned in the last blog, a big part of the formula is to trust and let go, but there is another component.  This one involves your perception of the word work, and is very closely related to a major theme of my book, Holding Space- A Guide to Supporting Others While Remembering to Take Care of Yourself First.  In the book, one of the concepts I cover is the difference between masculine and feminine energies, and how each of us have and use both, no matter what our physical gender is.

In brief, masculine energy is that of: plans, structure, doing, and the concrete.  It it the energy of bringing things into form.  Again, in brief, feminine energies consist of things such as: being, tapping into the creative field, and relationships.  Here’s the trick- the feminine must be entered into before the masculine can be utilized.  This may come as a shock, because Western culture has taught the exact opposite.  What this means is that you have to do the abstract work of be-ingbefore you can begin the concrete do-ing work that is also required to bring things into existence.  And then again, after you do your work in both areas, you have to let go and trust that the Universe/God/Spirit/whatever your believe in that is bigger than you, is working to fit the pieces together and bring you what you ordered, if it is indeed for your highest good.

So remember when you are showing up and doing your work, that the work does not only entail the concrete things you learned in school as a child, or at a job as an adult.  In order to be truly whole and  truly manifest that which you desire, you have to do the deeper emotional, spiritual, and healing work required to remove any unconscious blocks to your success.  You also need to be still enough to really get to know yourself and what you truly want to manifest, what’s honoring to you, and what isn’t.  Once you’ve done both types of work,  you must again trust that what you ordered will be brought to you in its right timing.  No need to be jealous of others or upset at yourself that you’re doing something wrong.  Tune in to that which is greater than you, follow your guidance and intuition, show up and do the work, and then trust.

Godspeed everyone!