Your Time in the Cocoon is Uncomfortable, but Worth It.

Your Time in the Cocoon is Uncomfortable, but Worth It.

We all want to feel good, and we should strive to feel good—healthy, happy, healed, and thriving. But what happens when we’re not? It’s such an important topic that even the first chapter of my Holding Space book is all about “getting comfortable with being uncomfortable.”

The thing is, growth happens in the stages when we’re uncomfortable. It’s not comfortable for the caterpillar to be stuck in a dark cocoon thinking its life is over, but in that state it is growing— “becoming.”

I’m not saying it’s fun to be uncomfortable, or even that it doesn’t suck, but the struggle to get free from it builds our strength, resolve, hope, and faith—and these are things we desperately need to cultivate in our lives.

Here are a few ideas to help you navigate the darker times:

ALLOW yourself to be uncomfortable first of all, KNOW that it won’t last forever, FEEL the feelings-let them pass in their time, and don’t try too hard to rush the process. The good times are coming, and the uncomfortable times will push you to uncover/heal/notice/do/say/be what is necessary to bring you to the next level. If you need to, say to yourself or whoever may be going through things with you, “This sucks,” or “This sure is uncomfortable, isn’t it?” and let out a bit of the tension by just acknowledging the pain or struggle.

Wish you were already at the next level? Don’t we all. But if you try to rush past it and don’t allow yourself the time to be uncomfortable, the joy won’t get here any faster, and you may miss some things that you’ll have to come back to later.

Most importantly, don’t judge yourself or this time. It is normal. It is necessary. And it sucks. But YOU don’t suck. If you can give yourself grace, love yourself, and be willing to look into the gifts in the darkness, you will grow into that next version of yourself. You will not get sucked into the void if you learn not to fear it.

It’s been super intense out there lately, friends.

Allow whatever it is, be kind to yourself, and remember that nothing will change on the outer level until you’re willing to look at it on the inner level. The uncomfortable times force us to SEE—if we are willing to look.

(This post is something I wrote on Facebook years ago. I re-shared it recently and it got great feedback, so I wanted to share it over here).

Energy

Energy

What if all of the turbulent weather we’ve been experiencing is a reflection of our collective turbulent thoughts and feelings?

Does that seem crazy?

If so, I ask you to kindly consider the reverse…

Everyone agrees that the moon affects the tides and our bodies are mostly water… therefore, the phases of the moon also affect us.

My point? EVERYTHING is connected, and EVERYTHING is made up of energy that can be manipulated in some way either by the thing itself, or by someone or something else.

I caught a portion of a Zoom yesterday with a quantum physicist and in the comments, someone mentioned the idea that perhaps the wild weather we’ve been getting is really just a reflection of our unsettled collective energy.

There is so much being purged in the human race, the earth, and everything on it at this time, that I can definitely see that being a possibility.

Today I took it even further and considered this…I have numerous afflictions from years of chronic stress (even being an avid meditator and personal growth guru – there has been a lot going on for me personally the last few years, and many different types of stress have been present- even energetic stress from certain environments).

Everyone knows that stress can turn into malfunctions in the body system. But have we considered that it’s energy that makes this so (remember qi and mana)?

If personal stress (an imbalance in our personal energy) can cause disruption in our individual body systems, doesn’t it make sense that collective stress can manifest in turbulent weather patterns (which are also fueled by energy)?

I’m not blaming or shaming anyone here, but rather want to continue to bring awareness to why I advocate that it is our duty as humans “be-ing,” to be responsible with our energy. Just because we don’t understand it or weren’t taught that it matters, doesn’t make it any less true that our energy affects not only us, but everyone and everything around us.

– Musings from my forthcoming book in progress about the importance of understanding and being aware of energy. *Full Disclaimer and heads up to budding personal growth authors- being a non-fiction personal growth author can be a slippery thing. You start going through a bunch of things personally, and all of a sudden, you’re guided to write a book on what you were only just beginning to piece together from different periods of your life. After that, get ready for the ride because you will end up going through a whole lot more to make sure you really understand what you didn’t even realize you were going to be writing/teaching about. The universe just wants to make sure you are fully embodied in the subject! :O

Obstacles

Obstacles

What is the purpose of an obstacle when it appears in our life?

When we are trying to level-up, push through to a new way of being, or heal, obstacles seem to come around right when we start thinking to ourselves, “I got this,” triggering our spiral into a land of confusion that could very possibly push us way off course if we give in.

So why do they come around, and what attention (if any) do we need to give them?

Here’s the thing… whatever we still need to heal from will very often make itself known when we are trying to move forward to our next step in life. No matter how big the leap, or how different the change, we can almost expect obstacles to show up just when we think we’re ready to go. When this happens, chances are we are ready to go on many levels, but if we push forward without addressing the old triggers or hurts that are lurking in our shadows, our ride will most likely not be a smooth one.

We have a choice in these moments, we can look at the obstacles/triggers/wounds and see what they are showing us, we can press on and try our best to ignore them, or we can give up and throw in the towel. If we try to ignore them or throw in the towel, it’s very possible that we will come face to face with a similar situation in the future. The presence of an obstacle does not necessarily mean that we are on the wrong path. In fact, it could very well point to the knowing that we are absolutely on the right path, as long as we remember that growing and learning through processing blocks is part of the fabric of life.

Of course there are times when we may not be entirely ready to work with our blocks and obstacles and keep moving in the direction that we were headed in. That’s okay. If the path we were following is the right one, our opportunities will show up again another time with different details. We can only run from things for so long until we have to face them and grow through the pain or discomfort. But we also have to do it at a pace that we can handle. If it’s not time, it’s not time. But if the time is ripe and we think we may not have the strength, it’s a great time for us to go deep into journaling, meditation, stillness, prayer, and all other forms of personal reflection and communion with that which is greater than us to help us navigate our way through.

Above all, we must remember that the path is not linear. We may have begun with a grand idea of what things would look like as we gracefully danced from point A to point B, but it rarely ever looks that way. The path is curvy, filled with spikes and dips, and we would do best to remember that any time the going gets a little rough.

Godspeed all.

You got this.

Using Intuition to Make Choices

Using Intuition to Make Choices

Unsure of what to do in uncertain times?

Perhaps you’ve spent your whole life following culture’s directions by the letter, thinking you were doing everything right, only to have it all vanish in a puff of smoke like some kind of strange magic trick.

Why aren’t the skills you were taught working anymore?  What do you do and who do you turn to when the culture that told you what you needed to get ahead no longer has any sense of direction itself?

Good times always come after bad times, and there’s always a gift to be found.  So if you weren’t one to give much attention or credibility to your own connection to that which is greater than you in the past, think of the present time as your golden opportunity to learn how to tune in!

So how do you tune in to your intuition?  It’s an abstract concept, so it’s not as easily grasped as the things we learn in academia that can be quantified or touched with our five senses.

Let’s look at love and gut feelings for a moment.  Don’t we all have those, even when they seem ridiculous, and the “facts” are clearly pointing in another direction?  But still, those feelings persist, and seem to know as much of what they are talking about as our heads and our “facts.”

I have been living by my higher guidance an intuition for many, many years now.  It all happened when I realized that I was trying to spin all the plates of my life in the air like a circus clown, and finally realized that I was not the one in control here, and I certainly had no idea of the bigger picture at hand.

And that’s when I learned to go within.  To surrender.  To put my higher power in charge of my direction, while I worked with it/them/my intuition as a partner.

I have often been asked over the years why I would give over my free will of all of life’s decisions to my higher power, and not have any control over my life.  The truth is that it’s quite the opposite.  Not only am I using my free will to make the choice to put my higher power/intuition/spiritual team in charge, but I am also not a silent partner.

Though I tune in and ask for direction on many things all day long, if something seems off to me or it can’t be done in the physical world the way I am being guided, I definitely will jump in and mention it.  It’s like having my higher power/intuition be the captain of my ship, but I am the first mate- and if by chance the captain misses a possible danger or obstacle- it is my responsibility to point it out and then work from there.

Since I have been living by intuition/divine guidance, I can’t even begin to count the  times in my life I have been amazed by how things came together to orchestrate an answer, healing, or solution to an issue- almost always in a way that far exceeded anything I thought I wanted it to look like.

I got off track a bit, and want to circle back around- so back to helping you with the “how” of learning to work with your intuition/higher power…

It is a bit like tuning a radio dial- the frequency is sometimes tough to get clearly, as there is lots of debris in the ethers at any given time, and plenty of other debris in our earthly minds and vessels that we have picked up over the years that may hamper our clarity when trying to “check in.”  There is also the matter of whether the guidance we are receiving (or think we are receiving) is from ego or something higher, benevolent or malevolent.

As you work with yourself and your guidance, you will find that your methods to fine tuning your connection will change over time, sometimes go out completely, and sometimes be muddled by other things.  Like anything, the more you practice, the better you will become.

Here’s a few quick-start tips:

Begin with meditation.  If you haven’t meditated before, I suggest starting with guided meditations (you can find many on youtube and otherwise) as they give your mind something to do.  When you are finished, try journaling.  Try having a conversation on paper or the computer with your higher power/intuition.  Ask your mind to take a backseat as you keep your consciousness open in order to receive.  Ask questions and then let your pen or fingers on the keys be free to write or type what is coming through, without you trying to control it, even if the answers seem counterintuitive to what your mind may think.

Keep it in the highest vibe.  In the beginning, it is best to ask whatever force you are talking to if it is benevolent, as there are trickster spirits that do love when people begin to open up to their connections again.  If you ask three times and get a yes, you are most likely talking to a benevolent being/your higher self.  Trickster spirits and lower energy beings can’t answer this question three times confidently.

Experiment.  Start with little decisions.  Use the meditation/journaling/asking process for small decisions and questions at first, and see how it works for you.  *Note* If you are in need of major decisions that cannot be answered in the way you are used to living, feel free to center yourself as much as possible and ask for help with those as well.  Better late than never.

It’s a process.  Though you may not have been taught how to honor and use your intuition/higher power to help guide you on a personal basis in your life previously, know that you can begin now.  The divine masculine and divine feminine (in this case intuition/spirit as a feminine energy and  action steps/decisions as a masculine energy) have always needed to work together to achieve the highest harmony and balance for all- it’s time to reclaim your divine birthright and inner GPS for life.

If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me or peruse my books, blog, website, facebook page, or youtube channel for further information and guidance. I hope this blog has given you hope for beginning to find answers to life’s hardest questions, and new direction in a world that has proven that honoring only one side of the picture may not bring you the answers you truly seek.

https://www.amazon.com/Amanda-Dobra-Hope/e/B01M3Z0UD0/ref=dp_byline_cont_ebooks_1

http://www.itsasyoulikeit.com

http://www.facebook.com/itsasyoulikeit

 

Be well!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Conditioned Response

Conditioned Response

I started dusting a little while ago because I suddenly felt guided to.

As I began moving the decorations on the entertainment center in the living room to dust, one of my cats came bolting out of her favorite adjacent room and ran upstairs.

Why?

Conditioned Response.

She’s not afraid of my dusting. What she is afraid of is the vacuum. Historically, when I dust, the vacuum is soon to follow.

Now I’ve been low on energy for quite a while, and was only planning on dusting as that’s all I had the energy for today. I wasn’t going to vacuum. But, this creature whom I can’t communicate with in words to tell her that, has learned about the environments she lives in and how to predict them by observing them. Humans have words, but we don’t always think to use them to convey to people that we aren’t going to cause them the same harm that someone or something in their past did. And even if we did use them, it may not do any good as people often get triggered.

Familiar things start happening, a person’s conditioned response sets in, and fight or flight takes over.

At this point, even if we use our human words or emotions of love to reassure the person that we can be trusted and that the hurtful events of their past aren’t about to play out again- the triggered person is no longer open to this info. They are in protective mode.

The only thing they want to do at this point is run upstairs to avoid the vacuum, and in the heightened state they are in, they may also give us a piece of their mind on their way up there.

As humans, we have the power to dispel triggers and projections by doing the inner work necessary to help us separate one situation from another. We can discover through careful examination that though the details of the situation may seem strikingly similar to those in the situations where we were hurt previously, we need to take a deeper look into the intentions or emotional state of the person or thing that originally caused us harm. This is where we will find our answers.

We need to ask ourselves˗ are the motivations, true intentions, and overall emotional state of the current person the same as the person who harmed us in the past? It may take some digging and raw honesty, especially if we are still in the triggered state, to find the real answer. If we have done the work and know for certain that the answer is yes after fully processing and separating the initial incidents from this one˗ we may need to do something different or have every reason to want to protect ourselves.

But what happens if when we look as deep as we can go, we realize that the intentions of the current person and situation are not to harm us, and that in fact they won’t harm us (based on our previous history of interactions with that person), but rather that we are blocking intimacy with them because of the giant fearball we have placed between ourselves and any trust we have of them.

We got our cat as a stray. She was friendly but skittish, and we were certain that she had been someone’s indoor pet but had been traumatized in some way before she was probably thrown out or just let go. Because of this, she was distrustful of humans, through at the same time she craved our affection and love. Maybe a vacuum had hurt her in the past, and maybe the person operating it had intended to harm her (most likely as a result of their own inner demons that they couldn’t calm).

If she wants to fully let down her guard and enjoy her life with us, she will need to learn that we do not intend to harm her, and that we will not use an object (especially the one she has been conditioned to be afraid of) to harm her.

She must learn to separate the motives and intentions of the person in the past from the actions, motives, and intentions she has come to expect from us for the last few years in her present.
My question in all of this is here:

Is there somewhere in your life where you are so traumatized by the feelings and objects that were directed your way in a negative energy in the past, that you are not able to trust those who are not trying to hurt you in the present˗ though the details of the situation or object may seem the same?

Maybe it’s time to take a deeper look.

Addressing Core Issues To Affect Real Change

Addressing Core Issues To Affect Real Change

In order to cause real change in ourselves and our world, we must address the root issues and build new structures.

Though addressing the symptoms of an unhealthy system or relationship is important during a crisis period, there needs to be a new and healthier system taking shape in order to keep history from repeating itself.  This takes more time and effort than fixing only the surface issues immediately, but it you’re looking for long-term gain and real change, it’s the only way to go.

Do the work.  You’re worth it.  Our society is worth it.  Our universe is worth it.

Shame- Which Kinds are Productive and Which Kinds are Unproductive-And How to Tell the Difference

Shame- Which Kinds are Productive and Which Kinds are Unproductive-And How to Tell the Difference

 

This blog post speaks to both women and men, but I do wish to point out the fact that this topic is especially relevant to women as a whole, given our generational upbringing.  Therefore, if both genders would please excuse that hypothesis in the first paragraph only, there is some deep wisdom on the topic here that can be gained by all of us.

Women as a whole carry a disproportionate amount of shame.  So much of it isn’t even ours to carry, but because we are conditioned to just do what needs to be done, and meet other’s needs, we take it on in order to ease another’s burden.  As time goes on, we learn to take it on in all sorts of unproductive ways, opening the door and letting it in over and over again.  We become accustomed to just leaving the door wide open to welcome shame, without ever stopping to ask ourselves if it is even  ours, if we need to let it in, or if it is a desired constant houseguest.

How many of us carry shame from our families of origin, both others’ true shame, and also for things no one actually needed to feel shame for?  It might be shame that was actually another member of the family’s to carry.  But no matter, we picked it up and threw it on our backs out of purpose, or maybe even blame, because another family member couldn’t take responsibility for their own actions.  On the other side of the coin, perhaps the shame stemmed from failure to succeed in one way or another; unproductive shame that was not anyone’s to rightfully carry, but continued to be passed on throughout the generations.

Shame is useful when it makes us think twice before doing unkind or unethical things.  It is also useful when it causes someone who made a mistake to take responsibility, make amends, and change their behavior.  Because our society is not set up to handle atonement and reconciliation in ways that aren’t doused in excessive shame, however, productive shame is many times too large for a person to be able to take on.  But when someone refuses to take responsibility for their behavior because either the shame or threat of shame is too great, often times we pick some of it up to ease their burden and lighten their load.

Although this may seem noble, where then does this shame go?  This unproductive shame is stored in our individual unconscious, and sometimes then the collective unconscious, and keeps us from being our full, shiny, capable selves.  It also takes away an opportunity for the person whose shame it is to take responsibility for their actions and heal themselves and anyone they may have hurt. Perhaps a better idea would be to create a healthier system where atonement and reconciliation are handled in ways that aren’t doused in excessive shame (but more on that in a later discussion).

Shame that isn’t ours to carry holds us back from bringing our true gifts into the world, as we are afraid of what we will look like if we fail.  In addition to shame that isn’t ours to carry, shame from failure to achieve a goal is also a form of unproductive shame.  It doesn’t serve a useful purpose, and we don’t have to say yes to it.  Just like shame for being different than others, having a physical or mental challenge, or any other form of not seeming to be ‘right’ by certain societal standards, shame from failure is not real shame, and only robs ourselves and society of the unique gifts we are here to offer.

Failure is not a productive reason to feel shame.  Failure means we stepped outside our comfort zone and tried to bring into form something we were lead by our soul to follow.  Failure means we’re on the right track. Failure means we tried.  And many times failure is caused by things that were completely outside of our control.  The only true failure in this example is to not rise up again and continue to follow the path we know is true, even when it deals us challenges.  These ‘failures,’ just like any other ways we may not seem to be acceptable by society, are not reasons to feel shame, they are merely opportunities to strengthen our relationship with ourselves by choosing whether or not we’re going to allow them to add more shame to the disproportionate amount we are already carrying, and whether or not we are going to let them define our worth.

Our worth can only be taken from us if we choose to deem ourselves unworthy.  It is always our choice.

If someone overpowered you in the past because of their lack of self-worth, do not let that diminish yours.  They were trying to steal from you what could never truly work for them.  It’s like someone other than the chosen person trying to steal and use the sword in the stone in order to fill themselves with worth and power.  It will never work.  Power and worth that are not cultivated on the inside and from the deep knowing that we are not separate from all that is, will never last.  It will never satiate the hunger someone’s soul feels from not being secure in their own worth, for not saying ‘yes’ to themselves.

So it seems to me that we have three choices when it comes to being faced with the tendency to take on shame for unproductive reasons:  we can diminish ourselves, shrink down and hide, and deem ourselves less worthy; we can try to get it off of us by acting out against someone or something else and attempting to transfer it to them; or we can just say, “No thank you.” when presented with the choice to take it in or not.

Unproductive shame hurts all of us, and we don’t have to continue to say yes to it.

#youareworthy  #stopthemadness  #riseup  #truepower  #beyoutiful

 

 

How Loving Yourself Helps You to Attract Healthy Relationships With Others

How Loving Yourself Helps You to Attract Healthy Relationships With Others

The healthiest relationships are those where both people are doing their personal growth work, and the amount of give and take feels relatively balanced.  If you over-help everyone else at the expense of yourself, hoping for love and validation of your worth by what you can “do” for them, you’ve set up a toxic pattern.  If you expect others to jump in and save you every time you face a challenge, you lose an opportunity to learn and grow.

We must all do the majority of our personal growth work.  That work involves getting to know yourself and understanding your worth.  You have worth by the mere fact that you exist.  You do not have to prove that worth to anyone.  If you feel as if you do, it is time to look at why you feel that way, and apply some love to that part of you after you’ve uncovered the misconception.  You deserve to be treated with honor and respect, but you must be willing to honor and respect yourself before you’ll be able to recognize when you are being mistreated.  When you begin to stand on your own two feet and love yourself, you will no longer agree to situations where others are dishonoring to you.  You will develop the courage to say no to those people and situations that do not honor your being.

It is a process, as you have most likely picked up false concepts that have been on repeat in your subconscious for years.  Be gentle with yourself, and celebrate every new victory where you’ve learned to stand in your power and love yourself.

It is possible that you may find yourself a bit lonely for awhile.  Try to embrace, rather than to fear this period of time.  This is your time to spend wonderful, quality time getting to know and love yourself.  It is in this amazing time that you will build the foundations needed to bring new, healthy relationships into your life.

If you learned to be alone and really fallen in love with yourself, you will begin to give yourself all the things you gave away to others while expecting someone else to fill the cup you emptied.  Our cups should runneth over, and we cannot give what we don’t have.  So give, love, get to know, and fall in love with yourself first.

Remember to congratulate yourself for taking the first step toward a better life- a life in which the genuine love and respect you give others comes from a cup overflowing, and the love you receive is in line with what you’ve learned to give yourself.

You got this.

When Life Gets Tough, Hang on.

When Life Gets Tough, Hang on.

Today’s post is another inspired writing, where I just write what comes, without much editing or proofreading.  I hope it helps someone who may benefit from its message.

 

When the road is long and you are feeling weary

Hang on.

Change is around the corner.

 

When you feel like you’re gasping for air or that no one around you cares

Hang on.

Change is on the horizon.

 

Believe it.

Feel it.

Be it.

 

Love is always here.

Even in your darkest days.

 

Believe in the power of love to heal hearts.

Believe there are better days coming.

 

You are part of the universe.

You are everything in the world.

 

Love yourself

And you love everything.

 

Love all.

Joy is inevitable.

 

Even if you can’t see it right now.

Believe it is hidden

And it will be revealed.

You are so loved.